ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
