Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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