Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
