just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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