There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
