And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
