all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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