Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
