You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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