i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
