I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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