the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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