mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
