Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
