why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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