What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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