Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
