Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
my sisters under your porch take her home
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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