After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
