I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
