Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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