At least make sure they are 18
Why
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
