I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
