there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
