I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Randomize
