atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
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So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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