If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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