Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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