i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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