So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
