what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
