laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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