I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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