am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
