I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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