Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
NoShamevember. You game?
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
