so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
