I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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