dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
