Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Randomize
