If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
