sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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