We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
