Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
They should really pass out barf bags in church
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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