Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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