All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
