I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize