My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize