I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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