apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
