You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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