Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
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