I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
