forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
