Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
