I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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