But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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