There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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