life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
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We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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