Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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