It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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