Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
