The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
