morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
