There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
