Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
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I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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