Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
