ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
