I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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