There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It's blow job season.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
