I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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