Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Boobs are out for the taking
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
