I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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