guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Couch. On fire.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
